Blog Post by Megan Caldecourt
There were many nights where I would run in a panic upstairs to sleep on the couch in the living room. I had another nightmare or was startled awake by audible voices. I was known by my family for being very sensitive and imaginative. It didn’t take much to scare me. And those nights running up the two flights of stairs to the living room were especially scary because I was sure something was following me.
Neither my parents nor I knew what to do with my experiences. We didn’t know anything about defilement on land or how to deal with critters or any of the many things that we now understand about the spiritual realm. So, I opted for an alternative solution, which was to turn off the sensitivity as much as I could.
Things did settle down for me quite a bit, though it took many more years before we did enough spiritual work to put an end to the nightmares. But I did an excellent job (unfortunately) of disconnecting the nighttime experiences from the rest of my life. I willingly embraced the idea that I didn’t really have that kind of discernment and so I didn’t see or hear things.
Yet, as I continued to grow in my spiritual journey, I felt more and more the sense that something wasn’t right. The desire to see the spiritual realm started to grow. My spirit knew I was made for it, and all my attempts to shut it down couldn’t completely silence the voice. I carried that longing and sense of “I am supposed to be able to do this” for a couple of years until recently when I listened to the teaching by Arthur Burk called Developing Discernment.
The teaching gives a framework for different kinds of discernment and throughout the presentation Arthur validates those who operate in any of the five areas. What stood out to me the most were the practical tools he shared for developing discernment in your everyday life. It was at this point that I realized that now was the time to redeem and unpack this part of my design.
So, I went for it … with some amount of trepidation! But one of the things that has been special in my relationship with God in this process is the building of trust. I began with an act of my will to acknowledge that His design was good, and now I am beginning to believe it with my heart.
The tools work. Over the last few months, my discernment has sharpened considerably. I have been practicing discernment in a variety of ways and I am seeing and sensing things again. I am building confidence that the gift does exist and it is not something to be afraid of. One really fun point is that God is unpacking a particular niche of discernment that parallels a major part of my design. And there is more peace in my spirit because I am not fighting a part of who God made me to be.
And frankly, I don’t know exactly where this road will lead! I am the kind of person who has one foot in this world and the other across the threshold in another world. I have a feeling that I am only scratching the surface so far. But I am ON the journey now instead of refusing to take that bend in the road, and I know that God knows His business.
I wanted to share this story for anyone else who has had a negative experience with the gift of discernment. For me, it has been a process of first accepting the good of what God has made and then actively pursuing the development. The material presented in the album on discernment was a huge boost forward. Arthur helped me see the value to the Kingdom and gave me a path to walk on to unpack it.
Be free to be you!