A Pain Point for Singles


This is not a teaching article.

I simply observe that yesterday was our second highest day of viewers on the blog — ever.

And it was a day of very few comments on the article about singles and AHS.  Uncommonly few.  Normally there is some correlation between number of readers and number of comments.

That says to me that yesterday’s topic landed deeply, but in a place so rife with pain that the singles did not want to explore it publicly.

I’m not fussing at you for remaining private about this tender part of your journey.  I am merely acknowledging the size of the pain out there.

So will you accept this blog as a gentle hug from me to you as you walk a path I have not walked and wrestle with a pain that I have not experienced?

Copyright January 2014 by Arthur Burk

From the Hub

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32 Responses to A Pain Point for Singles

  1. Pamela says:

    So I woke up this morning in a grumpy mood. And when I write ‘grumpy’ I mean, ‘GRUMPY’ with a capital GRRRRR in front. I really wasn’t sure why, maybe my sleep cycle was messed up? Did I forget my crazy pill the night before? No, oh well, moving right along.

    Got to work and noticed a lot of people wearing red. Being the dense soul I can sometimes be, I simply thought I’d missed the memo until finally someone comes along wishing everyone a Happy Valentines’ Day! My immediate inward response was to accidentally on purpose trip that someone, but the grace of G-d constrained my fleshly desires and I continued onward to my desk.

    “Hey, call me crazy, but I think this is a good day for some time cleansing…whaddoya say?”

    I was up for it, but then got distracted by some stooopid email and wound up NOT living out of my spirit, but rather my soul which was less than thrilled to be in the midst of all the flowers and balloons and happy barf.

    Valentines’ Day has nearly always been somewhat of a pain point for me as a single woman, but in the last several years, I’ve done what I could to put on a happy face and celebrate something. I’ve dedicated that day of that year to Him and spent it in worship. I’ve hung out with other single friends. Served married friends and done little things to help their day be special. THEN along came the religious side of how pagan a holiday it is and I should never celebrate it or I shall surely burn. Yeah, so now that that’s all over with, I didn’t even notice that today was Valentine’s Day, BUT my soul sure did, it was off someplace kicking dirt and popping balloons.

    END OF THE BUSINESS DAY – TGIF!

    While driving home from the office, it dawned on me that I hadn’t taken care of business like I had been instructed and this “GRRRR” thing in me was still giving happy people the stink eye.

    My thoughts were directed to year’s past and I tried to think of some good moments. My heart got involved and I started thinking of people who could really whine about today being tough. Widows/widowers, those who’ve loved and lost, military families. I’m single, never married so its’ never been a particularly wonderful day for me, but it could be worse. I could name a thousand situations, but the fact of the matter is, it could be worse.

    Being mercy, I savored this for a while and was pricked in my heart at my own ‘bah humbug” attitude. SO, back to the face of G-d. I repented…a LOT, did some time cleansing and asked the L-rd to shine His light on today and show me what I’d missed while piddling around in mesmerizing spirit soup. To my utter amazement, He’d been there all day. ALL DAY and not once did I pop my head up to tell Him, “Hello” or even, “Thanks for coming with me.”

    THIS IS THE DAY THAT YOU HAVE MADE ADONAI. I WILL REJOICE AND BE GLAD IN IT. EVERY DAY is Yours and I was created for your pleasure. I was created for fellowship with You. I was made to know YOU, so here I am.

    Savoring again the sweetness of His Presence. In truth, today is no different than any other day, I am meant to know Him more, know Him better every day. My apartment isn’t teeming with flowers and there was no one (except the dog) to come home to, but its so full. There is such joy welling up in me and finally Mercy has stepped up to the front and things make sense again. Suddenly I can rejoice with others and not be jealous. I can rejoice when I see couples together and there’s a smile on my face when I see the flower truck go by. I am truly, honestly happy for people in love.

    CFNI put out a song:

    when i think about the Lord
    how He saved me, how He raised me
    how He filled me with the Holy Ghost
    how He healed me to the uttermost
    when i think about the Lord
    how he picked me up
    turned me around
    how He set my feet
    on solid ground

    it makes me want to shout
    hallelujah! thank you, Jesus!
    Lord, you’re worthy
    of all the glory, and all the honor
    and all the praise!
    Hallelujah! thank you, Jesus!
    Lord, you’re worthy
    of all the glory, and all the honor
    and all the praise!

    P.S. Adonai, please feel free to move the mantle of invisibility off my life. I think you want it off more than I do, so I’m choosing to connect with you there by surrendering and letting you do your thing, how & when you want to. Tonight, when I lay in bed ready to go to sleep, my mind won’t be focused on the painful things, but rather looking to what wonderful things You have planned for me. I look forward to seeing YOU tomorrow and the next day and the next day.

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  2. Irina Rivera says:

    This morning I was able to work with the AHS and they left. At first try it didn’t happen. I read the first blogs about AHS and looked at my own spirit. Then I spoke to my spirit because a lot of sadness was coming up and I didn’t know which spirit the sadness belonged to. What I learned is that my own deep feelings of aloneness allowed the AHSs in. This was helpful because then I could address this on my spirit. I found Psalm 23 to be totally healing. It’s like my spirit needed this Psalm in a totally new way. I pray encouragement to others who are still working through the isse of AHS.

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  3. Teresa says:

    I read the blog and wondered can you be invisible and married?

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  4. kambani says:

    hugs are so much win. I gladly receive it, even though I’m a guy and I know that this topic is not typically ‘male’ territory. it’s so encouraging to discover that the puzzling and repeated rejections of this perpetual singleness have not all been a result of my failure to succeed in my attempts to be more desirable or good-natured or manly or whatever during these short twenty-seven years that I’ve lived.

    and I’m comforted by the fact that the problem is not as simple as it appears. although, at some point something’s got to give—right? ‘I just need to keep pitching up at class every day,’ says the emphatic optimist in me. and if it doesn’t resolve like I hope, then I would still have grown large as an individual because of all the tools and understanding and freedom I’ve gained processing this pain. which is nowhere near my ideal conclusion, but a disconcerting possibility I can begin to face. I think.

    thanks for taking the time to enter our pain. and for your relentless tenacity in seeking solutions for and with us. what a hero. may your hard-sought keys be coming to light.

    ps: vigorously at work on AHS issues. with a significant breakthrough yesterday. plus, in the process Father also took me back to critical moments of pain and vows in the past where I responded in the wrong way by taking on the mantle of invisibility. which means, as a result, I’m embarking on the somewhat intimidating journey of walking in a posture of opening myself up to being more and more visible in the context of desire—eek! wherever I end, though, I aim to die moving the ball forward…

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    • Sherry says:

      Thanks for sharing; while reading your post I realize I have willingly put on the mantle of invisibility at birth and held it close on many occasions. New insights to help me on my a new journey.

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    • linzi roberts says:

      Dear Kambani. I commend you for your courage as a single man in speaking out about how you feel. As a divorced woman and single for 34 years, have been aware that some men, also, feel as though they are being treated like a sheet of transparent glass, that people look through as though they don’t exist. I have been there, and probably am still coming out of that.
      I pray that many more men will come out of hiding and share their pain, so they too, can be healed. I am confident Kambani, that the Lord has great blessings in store for you in the days ahead and I pray that the Lord will give you the desires of your heart that line up with His perfect will and plan for your life. Thank you. Linzi

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      • eva says:

        Yes, I agree I was thinking on my walk this morning how many men in the Body-of-Christ where their singleness as a badge of honor and how much the B-O-C has made a theology of singleness to the point that when we single speak of our singleness we are minimized and considered to be unspritutal.

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  5. Fran Clower says:

    okay, so I get all your posts, but did NOT get the singles one. It went totally invisible, apparently?!?so, I went & read it. Very interesting. Definitely some things to ponder. Thanks Arthur &Lord, may there be an increase in Your light for Arthur! Thanks Jesus ❤

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  6. Linda Melendez says:

    Arthur, I much appreciate your hug to all of us. I have been wondering about whether there is any connection between my being single and the presence of an AHS. I am experiencing unexplained freedom from listening to your AHS Part II cds while I sleep. I am awakened as something (someone) leaves. I feel noticeably different the following days. I am posting this out here, wondering if anyone else is experiencing something while listening to these AHS cds while they sleep at night.

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  7. I didn’t comment on the last one, because I haven’t been able to listen to the AHS teachings yet, BUT I can relate to the invisibility. As a CSA & SRA survivor, I remember making an innervow to be invisible as a child. This followed me my whole life, even though I did not know about it (I’m DID) – probably why the abuse was never discovered.
    People just never noticed me, and I know I didn’t want them to – just a feeling that it was better to be ‘fat & ugly’ so no-one would take a look at me twice. Last year, (after being in therapy for 2 years) I felt that I needed to confess the innervow.
    It was immediate – I would walk down the street and I would see a car drive past me and the people would ‘see’ me; people would walk past me and ‘see’ me. I felt very vulnerable and admittedly asked God to take it back – I wasn’t ready to be exposed. I’ve been taking small steps in letting people see me, BUT definitely not ready to NOT be single. LOL

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  8. Julia Smith says:

    Arthur,
    Your gentle hug is satisfying the needs of the hungry. With love to you in your hungry places
    Julia

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  9. Joan Westaway says:

    “So I am putting that out there for you young ladies to consider.”…
    Why didn’t I comment? Didn’t know how! Was stirred but immediately pushed it back, after all, nearly 75 is not quite ‘young’ any more. Widowed 10 years, open to another ‘right man’ to covenant with in marriage, not bound by a vow to never re-marry… and this opened the aspects of both systemic pain… and invisibility. In fact as I have been praying Light Prayers and that you Arthur, and SLG ‘see and be seen’, I have included ‘me’ in that prayer! Needed! Even more than I realised!
    Ploughing through Joy Unstoppable, playing it in the car, I listen with awe and, as a first class enabler am now extricating from 5th head. Bursting into light as it were, with quantum leaps everywhere!
    Yet back to the Pain Point, the feeling of being invisible once again stirs and won’t go away. The ache is there, a perennial alone-ness, with a ‘what’s wrong with me?’ I can’t see them! They can’t see me??? Asked ‘why’? Checked the Singles teaching! Repentance covered as led! Now, I’m a stirrer, but there’s a higher authority doing another round of stirring! Have just purchased AHS Part 1 ‘just feeling’ I need to know about this weird AHS stuff! Not for me (!) of course!
    Amazing the resources recently unpacked… so we can unpack our innate resources! Exciting, adventure! Several hours driving this afternoon… opportunity to continue with more of the 6th and 7th heads of Leviathan, before delving into AHS! That can wait!
    Ordering Part 2 to be ready!

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    • SLG says:

      Love you Joan. 75 years and still rocking the growth curve. I have a sign on my prayer room wall: “Die Climbing!” Hope I am still aggressively growing like you when I am 75!

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  10. linzi roberts says:

    Thank you Arthur for your sensitivity, I have just completed “Adrenals and Kidneys.” WOW! WOW! WOW! Thank you! Thank you! I am overjoyed and congratulate you and the team on producing this album. I am a divorced woman who longs to have a Godly marriage, but I knew that there were toxic events in my life that could easily be triggered and I knew there was no point in considering marriage if I wasn’t healed. I have had much ministry over 33 years of being single and the As and Ks Album is the icing on the cake for me. I have always been in awe of God, but now much, much more so. By His Grace I went through the album in 7days by playing each CD 2 or 3 times a day. I will continue to immerse myself in the album. Now on to the “Alien Human Spirits” albums which I will take more slowly. Hoping to discover any blocks to my being happily married, I have determined to trust the Lord and overcome fear of being remarried, if that is His plan for me. I am recommending the As and Ks album to friends I bless you and your team with the Aaronic Blessing. Numbers 6:24. Love in Yeshua. Linzi.

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  11. Deb from MD says:

    As I contemplated your article from yesterday, several things were downloaded to me at once, and then again today, so I’ll try to be as concise as possible. First, God brought to my mind that, due to the circumstances surrounding my divorce quite a few years back, I had accepted being invisible for so long that I hadn’t realized it wasn’t normal. I had just learned to accept that being invisible wasn’t so bad. I have believed for years that I didn’t deserve any better, or that God had forgotten the promise of restoring my life. But reading your article, and then taking several issues into consideration, the realization that hit me was loaded with pain – does that mean that am I invisible to God, too?? Being single has meant living with a wound that keeps on bleeding. Most of the time I don’t want to recognize it as such, but it’s there nonetheless, and rears it’s ugly head at the most inopportune moments.
    After reading your blog from yesterday (and completely ignoring it during my prayer time – yep, typical Teacher-Redemptive!), and then getting the hug today, I hunkered down and dealt with the (invisible!) AHS. As I prayed, I felt the fluttering in my spirit that told me I had nudged something that wasn’t supposed to be there, and continued until I felt peace and the welcome void that told me it had left. The healing flood of tears and deep contentment fill that place in me that I had thought long dead, and I’m looking forward to what God will do next as a result of this!! Arthur, you are multiplying the talents that God gave you, and He is pleased to have such a trustworthy servant!! Thank you for your obedience!!

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    • SLG says:

      Deb, you captured it well. “Being single has meant living with a wound that keeps on bleeding. Most of the time I don’t want to recognize it as such, but it’s there nonetheless, and rears it’s ugly head at the most inopportune moments.”

      And that is the difference between coping well and walking free.

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  12. Donna Hall says:

    Thank you Arthur, it has been 25 years since my divorce and the painful comment by a friend that I push men away, but I didn’t see how & she couldn’t explain it. I feel like I am often not seen or heard, have thought maybe my expectations are too high or that after I travel the path longer & have more truth (mind renewal) it would be different, but it is not!

    One question, I am a missionary in Guatemala & I bought the AHS teaching but couldn’t download it to my iPad which is my only internet connection right now. Is it possible to download to the iPad from your site? Perhaps I just need to try again when in an area with 3G.
    Thanks, Donna

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  13. etvb5ll says:

    Thank you, Arthur – again

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  14. Lisa says:

    Thank you, Arthur – again.

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  15. When I read the post yesterday, it landed hard in me which was a great surprise. I have 75 years of life experience and lots of healing from the LORD yet this brings unexpected pain. As I try to frame this response, I am experiencing a deep, wide-reaching pain that I have not experienced before. Thanks for the hug and for being a safe place to express this. Please help us unpack this. from Julie from Texas

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  16. Jude says:

    Thank you, Arthur. You touch my heart.

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  17. eva says:

    Thanks, Authur, this hug is much apperciated.

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  18. TR says:

    Thank you Arthur.. you have great insight !

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  19. Mary-Anne Simpson says:

    Even as someone who’s walk is over, yesterday’s article landed exactly as you describe. There is a shame linked to singleness and being invisible that does not bear speaking about. Thank-you for looking at this subject it is still very close to my heart as I labour in prayer for those who are still where I was.
    and time passes and with it the even more unspeakable child bearing years that passed me by.

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  20. Sherry says:

    How kind.

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  21. Barbara from Colorado says:

    I so appreciate your understanding and compassion even as your insights bring the pain to the surface so we can deal with it.

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