When You are NOT in Your Office

I received an e-mail this week with the following paragraph.

My wife and I are not convinced that I am walking in the office of husband.   I know it is the will of God.   I am definitely willing and wanting to walk in the office.  How do I embrace the office of husband so that I can truly walk in that office?  It feels like I am a lot closer than I have ever been before.

It is my opinion that there are a lot of people who are not spiritually in the office that they technically occupy.  You can get a paycheck for being a teacher or a mayor or a doctor without being in the office that parallels that paycheck.

The same is true for “Fred” and his being married to the same woman for decades, being committed to that marriage, but not being “in” the office of husband.

I think we find some clues in the story of King Saul.  Samuel informed him that God had chosen him to be king.  There were several supernatural confirmations.  Now note 1 Samuel 10:7.  “Once these signs are fulfilled, do whatever your hand finds to do, for God is with you.”

The signs were fulfilled and Saul went back to farming instead of stepping into the office.

God tried a second time to put him in the office of king using the public coronation, but he was Teflon coated and it didn’t stick.

But when the incident with Jabesh Gilead went down, he suddenly found something to do with his hands, and God indeed was with him!

What happened there?

I believe that the issues are perception and permission.  Do YOU perceive yourself as worthy of the office, and have YOU given yourself permission to step into the office, in spite of the fact that others do not perceive you as worthy or do not give you permission?

Saul clearly had God’s permission to take the office.  But he does not seem to have given himself permission, based on his hiding with the baggage on coronation day.  It can be challenging for a Servant redemptive gift to give themselves permission to step into an office of leadership.

And it is quite clear that some of the subjects of the king did not want him to be king over them, and he probably heard about that.

So between the internal lack of permission and the external lack of permission, he choked and had the crown but was not personally “in” the office of king.

When Nahash the Ammonite attempted to shame all Israel by gouging out the right eye of everyone in Jabesh Gilead, Saul had permission, he put himself in the office and acted. People followed him.  God validated him.

What happened?  Well, I am reading his mind from a few thousand years’ distance, but let me suggest the following, based on my knowledge of more than a few Servants.  It can be hard for a Servant to accept that they deserve the perks of any office, so they commonly do not step into an office.  By contrast, Servants are the first to believe someone else deserves all sort of things.

Hence, Saul could see the people of Jebesh Gilead deserving life and freedom, and he could consistently see that his son Jonathan deserved to be king after him, instead of that upstart, David.

There are so many permissions lacking for those who are in place, but not in the office.  I know a Christian man who has been in business for a while, but was not in the office of businessmen because of what the church taught about “the love of money.”

I know an artist who could not step into the office because of all the snide comments made about “starving artists.”

Many a pastor has not given himself permission to actually step into the office of pastor because they compare themselves with others who they feel are so much more “qualified” than they are.

So, for Fred who is not in the office of husband, I suggest looking inside and outside to see where the lack of permission is.

-Did friends and relatives object to the marriage – especially her parents?

-Was your father in the office of husband?  If you come from a family line where the husbands are generally not in the office, then there could be some generational delegitimization that has been passed down through the years.

-Do you feel you have not lived up to your own expectations for what a good husband should be?  How valid are those expectations?  There are 100 flavors of good marriages.  Are you using the currency from some other marriage to measure value, instead of the currency you bring to the table?

-Has there been a big failure in your role as husband:  alcoholism, bankruptcy, adultery, etc.?

-Have there been a multitude of small failures, like ten thousand evenings spent in front of the television or weekends spent on your hobby instead engaging with her and the kids?

-In the redemptive gift matchup between you and your wife, do you clash with cultural expectations?  If your wife is a verbal expressive with quick decision-making skills while you are a ponderer, the culture will generally think less of you.

There is one other angle that is more vague, yet powerful.  There is a story of a woman who was hell-bent on getting her husband saved.  She brought everyone she could to the house to do spiritual mugging.  On one occasion, the husband confided to the resident evangelist that he had been saved for five years but didn’t want his wife to know, because if she did know he was saved, she would immediately raise the bar in a dozen other areas of his life.

Sometimes a man knows in his spirit that as long as he is a loser in the marriage, expectations are manageable, but if he steps into the office of husband, his wife will know it in her spirit and instantly raise the bar far beyond what he thinks is attainable.  So if he is going to end up a loser all over again, he may as well be a loser with a beer bottle in front of the tube, instead of playing his heart out in the marriage.

Perhaps a month’s worth of prayer against the mesmerizing spirit would flush out the rest of the hidden prohibitions to being in whatever office is in question.  At the end of the day, if God has designed someone to be in a particular office, and they are functionally in that role already, but they are not in the office, there is a permission lacking.

Now, flip it to the other side.  There are three primary facets to the office of husband:  to provide, to protect and to lead.

Each comes with a very broad spectrum of options, and we can focus on what we can’t do among the many options, or what we can.

Take providing.  You may not be as good as you like in providing financially, but there are 50 other things you can provide besides dollars.  How are you with providing dignity, or peace, or wisdom, or perspective, or a well-maintained car?  Do you provide her with the permissions she needs in life?

Protection is more and more difficult in our culture.  If your wife is out in the working world, she is completely beyond your physical protection most of the day.  Do you protect her spiritually?  Emotionally?  Financially?  What is your currency of protection?

And leadership is as broad as one can imagine.  Many times a wife is not willing to be led in certain areas and in others he can’t lead her since he doesn’t know her area of technical expertise.  But where can he lead?

If a man considers himself unqualified in one or more of those areas, he will not feel legitimate in the office of husband.  And the enemy is quick to point out where he is NOT qualified.  Unless you spend some time with the Holy Spirit to figure out what your currency IS, instead of what it isn’t, the delegitimization will be devastating.

Let’s summarize where we are so far, before going for the nub of the matter.

-The culture (especially the in-laws) have defined the proper currencies for providing, protecting and leading.  The man may or may not be able to demonstrate competency in those currencies.

-The wife has her own definition of the proper currencies in those areas.

-The man has his own definition of the proper currencies in those areas.

Any one of the three (or all three groups) may be far off base from the design-based and calling-centered currencies that the man has been equipped by God to use.  Therefore, THE question that will have to be answered before a man steps into the office of husband, is whether he has developed the currencies God intended him to, and whether he is using them.

In one marriage, what the man provided was a very respected family name.  He inherited a good name from both his father and mother’s family lines, and he built it into a higher profile name, with more honor.  This was one of the primary currencies God had equipped him to provide for his wife – a good name.

However, she came from a fear-based family line where being visible in the culture was anathema.  Their family code said you keep a low profile, don’t attract any attention, especially from important people.  So his gift was vigorously rejected by her.  In fact, the thing he was designed by God to give was seen as an absolute stripping of her protection.  She only felt safe in anonymity and hiding.

She (and her parents) made it plain that he was not protecting her with the required dosages of hiddenness.  He, on the other hand, was providing for her with the currency God had given him.

For a very long time after the rings and vows were exchanged, he was not in the office of husband because of the criticism by her and them.  Eventually he had to wrestle this to the ground and decide whether or not God has the right to make the rules of the game.

Once he decided that God had the right to equip him with his own unique combination of the three currencies, and that he was indeed walking in God’s design for him as a husband, even though their marriage was in rough shape because of her woundedness, he was able to step into the office of husband.

And, remarkably, when he did, she began to respect him, instead of fearing his supposed irresponsibility.

The finest permissions come from God.  And when you are sure that God has designed you for an office, and that you are walking out the office properly, then you HAVE all the permissions you need to step into the office.

One final story.  A father died and God came to the firstborn son and informed him that the son was now the patriarch of the family.  In other words, it was time for the son to step into that office.

The son pushed back to God and reminded God that neither his mother, nor his siblings were going to accept him in that office at all. They had long since rejected his role in the family and considered him utterly unqualified to be a spiritual leader of any sort.

God’s response was eloquent and final.  “I don’t care.”

Permission granted.  Now the son needed to receive it – from God and God alone.

Copyright March 2015 by Arthur Burk

From the Hub

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29 Responses to When You are NOT in Your Office

  1. jane62 says:

    Tremendous food for thought here and trying to apply it. A few questions. How does calling relate to office? And how does Office relate to Birthright or are they completely different. I can’t remember a specific teaching that addresses these. if I have missed it and you could refer me, that would be most useful.

    • SLG says:

      Office and birthright are quite different. I think calling and birthright are very close.

      • jane62 says:

        So, for example, could I be in the offices of entrepreneur and teacher, but my calling could be to land and to the business world (as in ministry to businesses) and my birthright could be the specific work as in Ephesians 2:10 which includes partnering with the Lord to restore a specific area of land together with its businesses to its original design? Just trying to fly a kite to see what it could look like in reality (on Monday morning).

    • Rebekah says:

      Hi Jane, if you want to learn more about office and birthright, I would recommened Arthur’s teaching called Doing Deliverence on Your Brain. In it, you’ll find a LOT more information on the whole fractal of five which includes birthright and office. It was VERY helpful for me in sorting out these new concept.

      • SLG says:

        That is toooooo funny. I don’t remember anything at all about that. I guess I was so far in the spirit that day, my soul doesn’t remember what I said. I may need to go back and listen to that album. Who knows what jewels my soul might learn!

        • Rebekah says:

          Ok…… Rewind…… Your comment threw me for a loop because I’m positive I understood the fractal of 5 a whole lot more after listening to Doing Deliverence on Your Brain, so I went back to the album to double check. You discussed the fractal of five on CD 5 track 6 and then you used it in the demonstrations. BUT it wasn’t nearly as complete as I remember it being, so then I realized it was actually Fighting Futility where you expounded on it more thoroughly. The two teachings came so close together for me that I guess they blurred into each other. So I’ll change my recommendation. Jane, check out Fighting Futility to learn more about Birthright and Office.

          • jane62 says:

            Thanks so much Rebekah, I’ve listened to BOTH recently! So I guess I must just listen to them again and let my brain bleed a bit more!! See if you agree with the example I posted trying to land it on Monday morning (before I read your comment)

            • Rebekah says:

              Hmmmm……. Well Jane, if you didn’t hear anything about office and birthright in those two teachings, and Arthur doesn’t remember saying anything about it, then perhaps it was the positive fifth head of leviathan casing to me to hearing something that wasn’t actually there……?

              As for the Monday morning application…… It sounds like you are still grappling with your birthright and office. I can relate to being in a place like that. So I’ll share a bit from my walk in hopes that you may be able to see yourself somewhere.

              When I was young I felt called to the field of midwifery, however, I do not view midwifery as being my birthright. Rather it is one of several different callings, all of which, are like steppingstones along the path towards my birthright. My birthright is an enormous problem to be solved, and all of my life experiences are helping to equip me to solve that problem.

              I have been a midwife by profession for many years, but I have not been in the office of midwife for nearly as long. I did all my training, passed the examination, became licensed by the state, and delivered many babies all before I was actually in the ‘office’ of midwife. It wasn’t until the birth of my own first child that I actually stepped into the office of midwife. I can look back to that specific time and see many changes, but the most notable was how the mechanics of birth yielded to me differently after I was in the office of midwife.

              Now, understand that I was a legitimate midwife in the eyes of the culture for years without being in the spiritual office of midwife. That’s the difference between an occupation and an office. It is quite possible for a person to occupy the position of teacher or an entrepreneur without being in the corresponding spiritual office.

              As I was sorting through my offices and birthright, it was helpful for me to go back to some of the more elementary offices to see where I stood. Somehow knowing which offices I was IN helped me recognize which offices I was NOT IN.

              I KNOW I am in the office of daughter, mother, wife, and woman. Having an understanding of how it feels to be IN an office helps me recognize areas in my life where I am NOT in an office. I can then look at the wider spectrum and know intuitively whether I’m in the office or not.

              I hope that helps, and I wish you well on your journey!

          • jane62 says:

            Brain Deliverance is a treasure, both now and will be continually for many years to come, but to me Fighting Futility is a HUGE treasure, and I didn’t think for a moment it would be, my God of surprises did it again – right between my eyes – WACK! Thank you Arthur!

  2. Tremendous. This gives me a great many wonderful bones on which to knaw for years to come. Thank you!!!!!!!

  3. David says:

    I’m preparing a talk for my new church.
    I see a culture of the servant in the church and a real need to step up into the office/calling for the body and individuals. You have given language to my intuitive ideas. thank you.
    I cannot now speak without using your ideas and thoughts. How would you like to be referenced? Is it ok to lift and reuse your insights? Looking to bring honour to you.

    • SLG says:

      Dear Dave, our material is only copyrighted in terms of the actual presentation. The ideas are totally available to anyone any time. Sounds like you are doing an original presentation, borrowing some of my expressions and perhaps word pictures. This is totally fine. Be free, be bold, be dangerous!

  4. noexplus says:

    Arthur, your write, the role of the husband is to “provide, to protect and to lead!”
    I pondered for a while all thes three strong verbs. I admit, I am not over with the reflection process, so what I am writing here is “half-potato” 🙂

    + I believe also a wife provide, protect and lead! I am not a friend of strict “specialization” on what a wife or a husband should/must do.
    + I see wife and husband equally responsible to support the other to make the unity called marriage to be the first, primary and most important form of church. In this context, both have to provide, protect and lead. Depending on situation, the roles and the tasks can be assigned one time to the wife, one time to the husband
    + I struggle with “to provide”: it nurtures the old family role where the husband get the money in the family and the wife rise the children and makes the household
    + I strugle with “to protect”: I can understand it if it is related to physical stuff, due to the fact that the man has a somehow different body and … muscular strength :-). I can say that if I apply “to protect” to spiritual warefare, than I have to say that my wife, which is a strong intercessor has protected me a considerable number of times
    + I struggle most with “to lead”!!! If “to lead” is to have followers, as you defined the meaning of this verb, and I agree with it, than I wish and pray that both my wife and myself will be leader in some area of our lives, of our spiritual walking, so that the other might be inspired to follow him.

    So, in conclusion… I do not agree with your role definition, although all your text which gravitate around this issue is profound… somehow I really miss something…

    Right now I do not accept this role meaning! Maybe I am wrong… so HUSBANDS, what about you? What is your position to this role definition?

    May God bless you all!

  5. Rosa says:

    Thorough, and to the beat of a different drum. Refreshing.

  6. phyllis says:

    I mean meditating rather than thinking. Forgive the adhd tendencies.

  7. phyllis says:

    I also add to my previous post a recommendation to ponder rather thank think on spiritual matters. Thinking should come second to pondering. I believe.

  8. phyllis says:

    This is exactly where God has my journey right now. In a much broader sense of the IN question is the “who I am IN Christ” undrrstanding.

    I have been reading scripture on this and a book by Watchman Nee called The Normal Christian Life has further instructed me. He says (in my understanding), that many if not most Believers do not walk readily by the Spirit and in their God given roles and destinies because they have only a soul or cerebral understanding of who they are in Christ and Christ in them.

    This struck a huge cord with me because it puts the responsibility on Christ to live His life through my dead to self vessel instead of me trying to let Him lead me to do what I cannot possibly do. The thing that is necessary and yet eluding much of the church, is a revelation of Christ in me the hope of glory . . . Or being a wife, mother, friend or anything. Until I reckon myself dead to sin, I am quite alive to it and it dogs me ruthlessly. I and all others could not reckon myself saved–it was given to me by revelation of Holy Spirit. Without that supernatural transaction I live miserably on with the question “am I saved? Can I lose my salvation? Am I born again?” Etc. I being from a performance based family in a performance based world need a revelation of this upside down kingdom–not just for salvation but for the walking out of “I no longer live, but Christ now lives in me”.

    I am born again (and supernatural revelation and transaction) and I understand the reckoning necessary to be free to be the mother Christ in me will be, and to be the wife and all other roles–and I am just now at 59 on the cusp of Holy Spirit revealing this IN life as compared to my desire with much striving life.

    Nee gives many practical examples using himself many times. They make sense but cannot be received at the soul sense level where we westerners dwell. The part of the world not mucked up by cerebral excesses and analytical everything, does not have a major hurdle to walk life IN Christ. It comes supernaturally and easily because the brain paths do not need to be rewired excessively like us. We spend life on getting free from that tree in our brain. They are delivered from the demonic at salvation and live within the revelation of Christ unhindered and without obsessive argument His life through them. For example the multitudes a new Chinese Christians who are laying down their lives naturally to do whatever Christ in them desires.

    Hope I made sense in my attempt to share my natural journey in pursuit of the supernatural IN life. Looking at the apostles, Paul was the most messed up by his past–had the most soul to get out of the way. Peter had impulsively but not so much thinking to overcome. Christ was able to use Peter more readily than Paul because he was more childlike (more spontaneous and unhindered by thinking error). I notice he didn’t bring in the brains in His earthly walk. Some were intelligent bit not necessarily in things of religion. Those who were most unaffected by phariseeical tendencies were his closest 3 and they noted they had been with Jesus. He used those abused by the intellectual elite to start our country and then added the brains that were mostly yielded to Him and who at least followed biblical principles to divinely set up our constitution. Only the devil has worked to plant lies to try to discredit it.

    On that rabbit trail I will conclude. LOL

    May God reveal to each treasure hunting hungry heart all that they possess in the deep treasure chest of Christ. Emphasis on hungry.

    Phyllis C.

  9. Jim AlsethJ says:

    Yes, I agree, this has been very helpful Arthur. As a Servant, your comments relating to that gift definitely resonate…

  10. Christine says:

    “There are three primary facets to the office of husband:  to provide, to protect and to lead.”

    Arthur, from your perspective, what do you see as being the primary facets to the office of wife?

    And what about the precursors to the offices of husband or wife — what are the primary facets of being in the office of manhood, or the office of womanhood?

    Thank you for this article, Arthur. It is both deep and penetrating. Much to think about here!

    • SLG says:

      Christine, I have no answer for you after pondering it for a few hours. I know the difference between a husband and a father, and between a father and a mother, but I find myself strangely blank on the issue of wife. There are, of course, a ton of cultural stereotypes that pop up insolently, and there is a steady stream of Biblical stories of inadequate execution of the office of wife, but I have a strangely empty file there. I shall have to ponder it for a while, and if I come up with anything worth saying, I will float my ideas cautiously in another blog.

      • Rebekah says:

        I’ve been pondering the primary facets to the office of wife and would like to float some possible ideas for your feedback.

        Life – Looking back at Eve, the first wife God created. We find her her name means life. I believe this refers to more then just childbearing. I think of the westward expansion in the early days of the United States. When the men went west they lived in ramshackle camps riddled with lawlessness, but when the wives moved west, they produced civilization and culture. There are many expressions but essentially, I believe, the office of wife was designed to produce life.

        Strength – Looking at the Proverbs 31 women, the KJV says “Who can find a virtuous wife.” The word virtuous in hebrew is Chayil, which means: strength, wealth, power, a warrior of valor, valiant etc. In the Old Testament this word is translated 56 times as “army,” 37 times as “man of valor,” and 29 times as “host.” I think of the picture of God’s wife as depicted in the Song of Solomon when he refers to her being as beautiful as “an army with banners,” and her “nose is like the tower of Lebanon.” When God goes into battle against His ancient enemy, His wife is not a damsel in destress. She is a queen who wars by His side. From this I see the office of wife was designed to contribute strength to the office of husband.

        Wisdom – In Proverbs 31:26 it says, “She opens her mouth with wisdom; and in her tung is the law of kindness.” I believe this is a direct compliment to the facet of leadership which the office of husband possesses, and it is in contrast to Prov. 25:24 which in the NIV says, it is “better to live on a corner of the roof than share a house with a quarrelsome wife.” Unfortunately, this is where the office of wife is sourly under occupied. Those women who are seeking to submit to their husbands leadership are often prohibited from making decisions or voicing any opinion in opposition to their mate. On the flip side, many women are carless with their words and wisdom is not found in their mouths.

        • noexplus says:

          totally agree Rebekah! Your answer is indeed wise and life-giving! Thank you and bless you for it!

          I can confirm it from my own life: after walking without Jesus for almost 49 years (7×7) God drawn me to Him using a wise, radical and life-giving woman, who, two years later became my wife. We both were before married. At that time neither we nor the other partner were christians. Due to the fact that she became a christian almost 7 years before we met first, living alone, sanctifying perpetually her life, helped her to fight in prayer and in our marriage with my huge amount of strongholds and my considerably ungodly behaviour. So closing this journey into our private lives, I want to make two points:
          a) I do not believe that my wife and myself would be here where we are now without the massive grace, favor, dilligence of GOD!
          b) I do not believe, that even I would became a christian in other circumstances, without the wisdom, life-giving, strength (=radical and unrelenting orientation to the plumbline called Jesus Christ ) of my wife I would not be here!
          So thank you GOD! Thanks to my wife! Thank to all unknown women for their determination in helping, completing and sustaining their husbands! Thank you Arthur and to the “whole tribe”!

          1. I do not know the origin of the word wife, but is similar to life… they differ only by the first letter of the word. So “a wife gives life” sounds good, godly and true!

          2. How wonderful, that Jesus is the Life, the Light and the Way! Alellujah!

          • SLG says:

            Alexandru, the origin of the word “wife” is most assuredly not from the English language!

      • Christine says:

        I have pondered this a lot in the last few days. Several things stand out.

        First, whatever Eve’s relationship was with Adam, it was broken as a result of the Fall. (Genesis 3:16) So if I want to look at the perfection of what God planned for me in the office of wife, I need to look at Eve before the Fall.

        Secondly, the book of Revelation shows a return to the perfection that God planned for the office of wife by showing us the Bride of Christ, feasting with the Lord Jesus Christ, then mounting up on white horses to war with Him, adding our strength to His strength, fighting the battle alongside of Him.

        With this in mind, I turned to Genesis and was immediately confronted with cultural stereotypes.

        Genesis 2:18 is the first use of the word ēzer (helper) in the Old Testament. It is God’s summation of His reason for creating Eve. “It is not good for the man to be alone; I will make him a helper suitable for him.”

        And so grudgingly I allowed myself to be drawn to this word, ēzer (helper) — grudgingly because I’m tired of wading through the morass of cultural stereotypes. Insolent is indeed a good word for them.

        But tracing the word ēzer throughout the Old Testament (along with its two close relatives, āzar & ezrâ) was immensely enlightening.

        First, the most frequent use of this word is in describing God as our helper. The Lord fights for us; He is our help in times of need. Over 50 times throughout the Old Testament ēzer, āzar or ezrâ are used to describe Almighty God reaching down to fight alongside of His people, to be there for them, to support them, to deliver them. The word paints a profound picture of our God acting on our behalf, and one that will forever change how I think of the English word “helper.”

        Second, God was merciless in His condemnation of Israel when they looked for ēzer (help) in other places (i.e., looking to Egypt and other nations to be their allies).

        Third, in certain circumstances God chose to surround a righteous man who was walking out his God-given design and purpose with ēzers (helpers) — and believe me, these ēzers were not men who washed the dishes and were voiceless in church. Many were skilled, accomplished leaders in their own right (see 1 Chron.12:1).

        So what did I learn from all of this? There is immense privilege to being called by God to be an ēzer (helper) to my husband. And this is countercultural. Both in the church and outside of it, a helper is one who is not as educated, with less authority, less power, less honour. In the classroom, a helper is the educational assistant who has less training, less knowledge, is assumed to be less worthy in their role, and earns less money than the teacher. In the Sunday School classroom, the helper does not know what the lesson is about, but just shows up to assist the one who has the knowledge, the authority.

        But in God’s use of the word, an ēzer (helper) is one who is often an equal (or in God’s case, One who is far greater in every way than the one being helped). From God’s perspective, an ēzer is often one who carries more weight in a given situation, has more skill in certain areas, or has more authority in some niche than the one who is being helped. God places an ēzer in our lives to resource us with what we need to carry out our calling, and ultimately our birthright (i.e., David and his mighty men).

        There is an aspect of loyalty and faithfulness in being an ēzer which is very evident in the Scriptures. The ēzer fights for us when we are in a corner, when our own personal resources have been depleted, when we are tired and don’t know which way to turn. At such times we call out for our Ēzer, our great God, along with the Psalmist, saying, “Oh, that You would rend the heavens and come down, that the mountains might quake at Your presence…”

        That is my faithful, ever-present Ēzer, my God.

        And being an ēzer to my husband is the first thing that God has asked of me as a wife — not to take the place of God, but chosen and appointed by God to walk alongside of this man, empowering him to reach his birthright. Perfectly created by God to be “a helper suitable for him.”

  11. Fran Sellman says:

    Very helpful. I’m assuming that any victim thinking in these areas could cause a person to not step into their office as well.

  12. Tom says:

    I am very grateful for this post. It will take some time to process it all, but I feel like I’ve been shot in the chest. Thanks for answering my question.

  13. nancy says:

    This is so good! You dismantled this topic so thoroughly, yet without molestation. The subjects look more whole than before you began. Definitely not just for men.

  14. So helpful to me, Arthur. Different data, same principles. Thank you.

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